1 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,052 - [line trilling] - Vancouver Court Hotel. 2 00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:12,470 - How may I help you? - Hello, Vancouver. 3 00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:13,888 This is Michael Scott calling 4 00:00:13,930 --> 00:00:15,974 from the United States of America. 5 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:18,101 I have a reservation in your fair city 6 00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:20,812 from February 12th through the 19th, 7 00:00:20,854 --> 00:00:22,272 first week of the Olympics. 8 00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:23,648 Well, we're looking forward to having you, 9 00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:25,483 so let me just pull up your information here. 10 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:26,901 - Okey doke. - Hmm. 11 00:00:26,943 --> 00:00:28,987 Is there a unique spelling of your name? 12 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:32,866 Yes, it is M-I-C-H-A-E-L. 13 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:35,618 Right, uh, I don't seem to have it, sir. 14 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:36,661 What? 15 00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:37,996 I love the Winter Olympics. 16 00:00:38,038 --> 00:00:43,626 My favorite sport is one involving men with brooms, 17 00:00:43,668 --> 00:00:48,590 and they broom the ice in front of these cylindrical discs 18 00:00:48,631 --> 00:00:50,884 that float gently across the ice. 19 00:00:50,925 --> 00:00:52,802 And they smack into one another, 20 00:00:52,844 --> 00:00:55,805 and no one really explains the rules, 21 00:00:55,847 --> 00:00:57,140 but it's mesmerizing. 22 00:00:57,182 --> 00:01:01,144 And there are no winners, and no losers, 23 00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:05,148 only poetry, and it is called curdling. 24 00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,150 I'm not seeing anything under Confirmation. 25 00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:08,818 Could it be under Affirmation? No. 26 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:10,111 'Cause you have thousands of those. 27 00:01:10,153 --> 00:01:11,821 No, we're just trying to look it up right now. 28 00:01:11,863 --> 00:01:13,698 You did get the evite to my barbecue! 29 00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,158 - N--come on, Dwight. - Michael-- 30 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,160 Um, sir, a lot of people are trying 31 00:01:17,202 --> 00:01:18,495 to get last-minute reservations 32 00:01:18,536 --> 00:01:20,205 at hotels here for the Olympics, 33 00:01:20,246 --> 00:01:21,831 but we've been fully booked for months. 34 00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:24,376 Well, I have been booked for three years, 35 00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:25,585 so you should have that. 36 00:01:25,627 --> 00:01:26,961 I have always heard that British Columbia 37 00:01:27,003 --> 00:01:28,296 is a very nice place, 38 00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,965 but I'm not getting that from this conversation. 39 00:01:31,007 --> 00:01:36,179 Wait! I got it! Confirmation code: XV2RDM! 40 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,181 [softly] Oh. Here it is. 41 00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:39,808 - Oh... - Yep. Uh-huh. 42 00:01:39,849 --> 00:01:40,975 - Uh, thank you. - Seven nights 43 00:01:41,017 --> 00:01:42,727 in our street-view economy single? 44 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:43,937 - That's it. - Yeah. 45 00:01:43,978 --> 00:01:45,397 We changed systems a while back. 46 00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:46,815 I do apologize. 47 00:01:46,856 --> 00:01:48,024 - both: Uh-huh. Okay. - Yeah. 48 00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,734 How may I help you, Mr. Scott? 49 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,069 All right, I would like 50 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,946 to cancel my reservation, please. 51 00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:55,657 - Oh, okay. - I cannot take off seven days 52 00:01:55,699 --> 00:01:57,200 from work to go to the Olympics. 53 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:58,618 This place'll fall apart. 54 00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,620 There is a cancellation fee for this, sir. 55 00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,414 Okay. Put it on my card. 56 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:03,748 You want me to cancel Rio too? 57 00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,834 Yeah, and Chicago. 58 00:02:07,502 --> 00:02:10,505 {\an8}[The Office Band's "The Office (Main Theme)"] 59 00:02:10,547 --> 00:02:17,470 {\an8}♪ ♪ 60 00:02:28,314 --> 00:02:30,442 {\an8}Today Jo Bennett, the CEO from Sabre, 61 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:33,695 {\an8}is coming to see us here for the first time. 62 00:02:33,737 --> 00:02:37,157 {\an8}She bought us sight unseen, like a mail-order bride. 63 00:02:37,198 --> 00:02:39,075 {\an8}[chuckling] So she's gotta be kinda nervous. 64 00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:41,494 {\an8}I mean, are we ugly? Are we smart? 65 00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:43,663 {\an8}Are we cool? Are we too cool? [dog barks] 66 00:02:43,705 --> 00:02:46,541 {\an8}Do we speak English? 67 00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,585 {\an8}[laughs] 68 00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,505 {\an8}Why, hello. 69 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:53,798 {\an8}Uh, this is Michael Scott, 70 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,300 {\an8}co-regional manager of this branch. 71 00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:56,509 {\an8}Pleasure to meet you, Miss Bennett. 72 00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:58,219 {\an8}Oh, that's Mrs. Bennett, sweetheart. 73 00:02:58,261 --> 00:03:00,638 {\an8}My husband and I are divorced, but I kept the Mrs. 74 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:01,848 {\an8}just to piss off the new wife. 75 00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,224 {\an8}Oh. [all laugh] 76 00:03:03,266 --> 00:03:04,976 {\an8}Well, let's take a gander around this place. 77 00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,436 {\an8}These sure are pretty dogs. 78 00:03:06,478 --> 00:03:08,480 {\an8}[laughs] They love a good crotch. 79 00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:10,106 {\an8}Yeah, they sure do. 80 00:03:10,148 --> 00:03:11,816 {\an8}You should take that as a compliment. 81 00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:14,319 {\an8}- Oh, I do. - [laughs] 82 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,614 {\an8}- Hello? - Hello. 83 00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:19,991 {\an8}Do you always stay seated when a lady enters the room? 84 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,368 {\an8}I am treating you the same as a man 85 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:23,328 {\an8}for whom I would also not stand, 86 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:25,955 {\an8}unless it was the president or Judge Judy. 87 00:03:27,624 --> 00:03:29,125 {\an8}I like that. 88 00:03:29,167 --> 00:03:30,835 {\an8}- Um, this is accounting. - Uh-huh. 89 00:03:30,877 --> 00:03:33,046 {\an8}- Hi. - Good-looking group. 90 00:03:33,088 --> 00:03:35,715 {\an8}Over here is Meredith Palmer, Creed Bratton. 91 00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,092 {\an8}Another couple of heartbreakers. 92 00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:38,760 {\an8}Who's this tall drink of sun tea? 93 00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:39,803 {\an8}That is Jim Halpert. 94 00:03:39,844 --> 00:03:41,012 {\an8}He is the co-regional manager 95 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:42,222 {\an8}of this office. 96 00:03:42,263 --> 00:03:43,848 {\an8}I thought this guy was the manager. 97 00:03:43,890 --> 00:03:45,684 {\an8}Oh, he is. He's the comanager. 98 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:48,436 {\an8}- That's the other comanager. - Two guys doing one job? 99 00:03:49,562 --> 00:03:51,022 {\an8}We gotta do something about that. 100 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,066 [chuckles] 101 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,112 {\an8}Got some valentine's cards for my coworkers 102 00:03:57,153 --> 00:03:58,863 {\an8}and my bro-workers. 103 00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:00,532 {\an8}No. No. 104 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:01,783 {\an8}What? No candy? 105 00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,868 {\an8}Valentine's Day, right around the corner. 106 00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,579 {\an8}Erin and I have been on zero dates. 107 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,331 {\an8}So I got her a Valentine's Day card. 108 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,709 {\an8}But I didn't want to seem too eager, 109 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:12,711 {\an8}so I got cards for everyone in the whole office 110 00:04:12,752 --> 00:04:14,879 {\an8}to kind of dilute it a little bit. 111 00:04:14,921 --> 00:04:17,340 {\an8}It cost, like, $200. 112 00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:20,260 {\an8}Pretty sure it was worth it, though. 113 00:04:20,301 --> 00:04:23,013 {\an8}It was definitely worth $50. 114 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:25,181 {\an8}- Look alive. - Ow! 115 00:04:25,223 --> 00:04:27,392 {\an8}Jeez, you gave me a paper cut on my throat! 116 00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,310 {\an8}Yeah, I have this thing about men cutting 117 00:04:29,352 --> 00:04:31,354 {\an8}or threatening to cut my throat. 118 00:04:31,396 --> 00:04:33,440 {\an8}Don't try to cut my throat. 119 00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:36,234 {\an8}You know, I get why you guys want to share a job. 120 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,820 {\an8}You look real good standing there next to each other. 121 00:04:38,862 --> 00:04:40,155 {\an8}- Oh. [laughs] - I mean it. 122 00:04:40,196 --> 00:04:42,032 {\an8}I mean, you look-- you're tall and thin, 123 00:04:42,073 --> 00:04:43,950 {\an8}and you're solid and dark. 124 00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:45,535 {\an8}- Mm. - Have a seat. 125 00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:48,413 {\an8}- All right. - So it is okay 126 00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:50,331 {\an8}to keep doing the comanager thing then? 127 00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,667 {\an8}- No, that's ridiculous. - Okay, I'll handle this. 128 00:04:52,709 --> 00:04:54,919 {\an8}Jo, I don't know how things work in Florida 129 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:56,129 {\an8}which, from your description, 130 00:04:56,171 --> 00:04:59,257 {\an8}sounds like a colorful, lawless swamp. 131 00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:03,595 {\an8}But here it takes two men to do one job, 132 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,931 {\an8}where in Florida it might take one very strong woman 133 00:05:06,973 --> 00:05:09,142 {\an8}- to do such a job. - Whoa. Whoa. 134 00:05:09,184 --> 00:05:10,393 {\an8}- Whoa. Whoa. - I'll take over. 135 00:05:10,435 --> 00:05:12,520 {\an8}Um, what we're doing here-- 136 00:05:12,562 --> 00:05:15,023 {\an8}Michael handles more of the big-picture stuff, 137 00:05:15,065 --> 00:05:17,442 and I handle more of the day-to-day stuff. 138 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:18,943 - Yeah. - So together-- 139 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,487 - I think I understand. - All right. 140 00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,530 Each of you is doing half a job. 141 00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:23,990 - No. - And sometimes I can hardly 142 00:05:24,032 --> 00:05:25,700 - handle that. - [laughs] 143 00:05:25,742 --> 00:05:27,035 Now this is knucklehead talk. 144 00:05:27,077 --> 00:05:28,453 I'm not gonna abide it, you know? 145 00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:30,622 You can't give me gravy and tell me it's jelly 146 00:05:30,663 --> 00:05:32,082 'cause gravy ain't sweet. 147 00:05:32,123 --> 00:05:33,625 - Is it, Jim? - [whispers] I don't think so. 148 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,794 - Michael? - Forget the question. 149 00:05:35,835 --> 00:05:38,505 I think one of you should return to sales 150 00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:40,298 and the other one will be a manager. 151 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:43,635 I humbly accept the management position. 152 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,178 Why would you just automatically get it? 153 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,681 Because, well, Jim, where I'm from, 154 00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:50,225 there are two types of folk: those who ain't 155 00:05:50,266 --> 00:05:53,144 and those who are knee-high on a grasshopper. 156 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,814 Which type ain't you ain't? 157 00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:58,441 Y'all come back now. 158 00:05:58,483 --> 00:05:59,651 Do you even know what that means? 159 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,527 - Yes. - Yeah. 160 00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:01,945 Well, I'ma let this marinate, 161 00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:03,154 so you can go. 162 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,698 - Um... - You can go on. 163 00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:05,907 - Yep. - All right. 164 00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:07,492 Shoo. 165 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,036 I'm Joleen Bennett. Jo for short. 166 00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,496 I'm a breast cancer survivor, 167 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,581 close, personal friends with Nancy Pelosi, 168 00:06:13,623 --> 00:06:16,543 and Truman Capote and I slept with three of the same guys. 169 00:06:16,584 --> 00:06:19,170 When I was a little girl, I was terrified to fly, 170 00:06:19,212 --> 00:06:21,172 and now I have my own pilot's license. 171 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:25,135 I was Miss Mott's Applesauce of 1966, 172 00:06:25,176 --> 00:06:27,470 Miss Peach Cobbler of 1967, 173 00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:30,473 Miss Mott's Applesauce in 1968. 174 00:06:30,515 --> 00:06:32,517 I am CEO of Sabre International, 175 00:06:32,559 --> 00:06:33,727 and I sell the best damn printers 176 00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:36,187 and all-in-one machines Korea can make. 177 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,439 Pleased to meet you. 178 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:38,648 - Whoa, traffic jam. - Ooh. 179 00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:40,358 Uh-oh! Traffic jam on Route Three. 180 00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,735 - Beep beep! - Beep beep! 181 00:06:41,776 --> 00:06:43,778 - [imitates sirens] - 20 people dead in a pileup. 182 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,281 There's blood everywhere! [both giggling] 183 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,908 Um, I got you a valentine's card. 184 00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:51,703 - You did? - Yep. 185 00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:53,371 Oh, a bird and a dog. 186 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:54,998 Yeah, well, it's Snoopy and Woodstock. 187 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:56,082 You named them? 188 00:06:56,124 --> 00:06:58,043 Uh, Charles Schulz did. 189 00:06:58,084 --> 00:06:59,544 I thought it was relevant 190 00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:01,296 'cause I got you all those birds for Christmas, remember? 191 00:07:01,338 --> 00:07:03,882 Uh, yeah, I do remember. 192 00:07:03,923 --> 00:07:05,300 Aw, they love each other. 193 00:07:05,342 --> 00:07:07,135 Oh, look at that. They sure do. 194 00:07:07,177 --> 00:07:08,428 I hadn't noticed. 195 00:07:08,470 --> 00:07:10,138 Oh, it smells really good too. 196 00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,723 Yeah, it's Roger Federer for men. 197 00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:12,932 I sprayed some in there. 198 00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:16,186 Andy, whoa. [laughs] Thank you very much. 199 00:07:16,227 --> 00:07:18,229 It's got pheromones in it. [giggles] 200 00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,564 - Hey. - Hi. 201 00:07:19,606 --> 00:07:22,901 Uh... just choosin' seats, not gettin' married. 202 00:07:22,942 --> 00:07:25,028 Chop-chop, little onion. 203 00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:26,821 Jo, there's books in my chair. 204 00:07:26,863 --> 00:07:28,198 That's right, darling. 205 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:31,326 Now you're the proud new owner of a Sabre handbook 206 00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:33,244 and my autobiography. 207 00:07:33,286 --> 00:07:35,705 Why is it called "Take a Good Look"? 208 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:39,250 I was 26 years old, working at Kodak. 209 00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:41,419 It was my first job after Vanderbilt. 210 00:07:41,461 --> 00:07:43,755 It was very exciting, and I took it very seriously. 211 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,800 But I wasn't afforded the same amount of respect 212 00:07:46,841 --> 00:07:48,968 that the rest of the board enjoyed. 213 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:51,262 One day I'd had it up to here. 214 00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,764 And I strode into the boardroom 215 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,350 wearing nothing but a pair of spike heels, 216 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:57,936 a lace push-up bra, and matching lace panties. 217 00:07:57,977 --> 00:07:59,312 Nice. 218 00:07:59,354 --> 00:08:00,605 And I took my seat 219 00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,940 and I looked around at all of 'em, 220 00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:06,111 and I said, "Gentlemen, if this is all you see, 221 00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,487 then take a good look." 222 00:08:07,529 --> 00:08:09,239 - Oh. - [laughs] 223 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,616 As a male manager, I would have never done that to you. 224 00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:16,746 I--I am nothing if not not sexist. 225 00:08:16,788 --> 00:08:18,998 That's setting the bar a little low, isn't it? 226 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,460 The only time I set the bar low is for limbo. 227 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:23,920 You all must be in a tizzy. 228 00:08:23,962 --> 00:08:25,296 I can see it on your faces. 229 00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:26,631 I mean, what's going on now? 230 00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,175 I mean, who owns Dunder Mifflin, right? 231 00:08:29,217 --> 00:08:32,053 I mean, Sabre? What's that? 232 00:08:32,095 --> 00:08:36,057 Some company we never heard of from down in Tallahassee? 233 00:08:36,099 --> 00:08:37,308 I mean, where is that? 234 00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,893 [laughs] Near Mars? 235 00:08:38,935 --> 00:08:40,937 No, we know. Texas. 236 00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,606 Now Dunder Mifflin has an arm's reach 237 00:08:43,648 --> 00:08:46,151 into all these small businesses all over the Northeast. 238 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:49,195 And now we're gonna take that arm... 239 00:08:49,237 --> 00:08:52,532 and we're gonna start selling... 240 00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,575 printers. 241 00:08:53,616 --> 00:08:55,118 I could manage my way around that. 242 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:57,078 They're the easiest to use printers in the market. 243 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,749 I will try to manage my excitement. 244 00:09:00,790 --> 00:09:03,126 It seems like Jo feels that there might be 245 00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:05,587 one too many managers around here. 246 00:09:05,628 --> 00:09:08,214 And Michael's response seems to be to use the word "manage" 247 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:10,008 as often as possible. 248 00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:13,345 I have been saying the word "manager" a lot, 249 00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:17,849 so whenever Jo thinks manager, she thinks of me. 250 00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:20,101 Camel Cigarettes did the same thing with Joe Camel 251 00:09:20,143 --> 00:09:21,770 by making him look like a penis. 252 00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,731 I can't even go near a cigarette now 253 00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:27,692 without thinking of a penis, and vice versa. 254 00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,195 I don't know the first thing about printers. 255 00:09:30,236 --> 00:09:32,322 I get it, gorgeous. 256 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:35,200 I mean, I barely know my own Cadillac. 257 00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:36,493 And you know, sometimes I go in reverse 258 00:09:36,534 --> 00:09:37,827 when I wanna go forwards. 259 00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,788 I nearly killed a bunch of preschoolers. 260 00:09:39,829 --> 00:09:41,164 [laughter] 261 00:09:41,206 --> 00:09:42,624 That's why Gabe is here. 262 00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,584 I'll be holding a meeting with the salesmen 263 00:09:44,626 --> 00:09:46,461 to get you acquainted with the printers. 264 00:09:46,503 --> 00:09:47,712 I think that's it. 265 00:09:47,754 --> 00:09:49,547 - So we're all good. - Okay. 266 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:51,758 - Thanks, y'all. - I, um... 267 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:00,517 Oh, my God. 268 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:01,893 I guess Andy likes me. 269 00:10:01,935 --> 00:10:04,437 I never thought of him in that way. 270 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:06,106 But I guess in most romantic comedies, 271 00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,732 the guy you're supposed to be with is the one 272 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:09,693 that you never thought of in that way. 273 00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:10,985 You might have even thought he was annoying 274 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,613 or possibly homosexual. 275 00:10:13,655 --> 00:10:16,950 - Hey. - Hey. 276 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,746 - What are you doing? - I wanna make out. 277 00:10:24,374 --> 00:10:25,959 No, no, not now. 278 00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,711 I have some information. 279 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,087 I was reading the Sabre handbook. 280 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,380 Why were you doing that? 281 00:10:30,422 --> 00:10:32,507 What do you mean, why? Why didn't you? 282 00:10:32,549 --> 00:10:33,883 Our cool new boss said to read the handbook. 283 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:34,968 Don't make me feel like a dork. 284 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:36,052 Easy, okay. 285 00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,221 - both: Okay. - So check this out. 286 00:10:38,263 --> 00:10:40,974 According to the handbook, you could make more money 287 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:42,684 as a salesman than as a manager. 288 00:10:42,726 --> 00:10:44,769 They have all these incentive programs. 289 00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:46,438 I ran your numbers from last year. 290 00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,440 This is way more than I make now. 291 00:10:48,481 --> 00:10:50,692 I don't think I'm gonna miss being manager. 292 00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:51,943 You know how some people say they're not in it 293 00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:53,445 for the money? Well, with all due respect 294 00:10:53,486 --> 00:10:55,155 to this job, I think I'm definitely in it 295 00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:58,742 for the money, and quite honestly, the women. 296 00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:01,077 Hey. Got a second? 297 00:11:01,119 --> 00:11:02,328 - Sure. - All right. 298 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,455 What, are you here to tell me that you think 299 00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:04,789 I would be a better manager 300 00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:07,292 and that you are sorry for being such a jerk? 301 00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:10,295 Actually, yeah. 302 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:11,629 What? 303 00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,173 Exactly that. I think that you 304 00:11:13,214 --> 00:11:15,550 absolutely deserve the manager position more than I do. 305 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:19,220 [laughs] What? 306 00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:20,972 - Really? - Yeah. 307 00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,391 [laughing] Wow! Wow! 308 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,101 - It really works. - What does? 309 00:11:25,143 --> 00:11:28,396 If you visualize something, it can actually come true. 310 00:11:28,438 --> 00:11:29,439 - Wow. - I wonder if it works 311 00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:30,648 for other stuff. 312 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,525 - Who will know? - Well, okay. 313 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:35,820 Are you visualizing something right now? 314 00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:37,447 It's Saturday night and Sheryl Crow 315 00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:38,823 is the musical guest on "SNL." 316 00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:40,325 - Wow. - And the camera turns to me. 317 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,785 I'm in the audience, laughing. 318 00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:44,371 - I'm her boyfriend. - That's great. 319 00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,663 I just wanna-- 320 00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,040 - What are you doing? - I'm gonna check 321 00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:49,167 the TV listings to see if she's host-- 322 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:50,669 - mm-- - Definitely not, right? 323 00:11:50,710 --> 00:11:53,546 Special guest Gnarls Barkley. 324 00:11:53,588 --> 00:11:54,839 Must be a typo. 325 00:11:54,881 --> 00:11:56,091 I like [indistinct] sports guys though. 326 00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,258 Yeah, me too. 327 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,511 I'm just gonna go and tell Jo 328 00:11:59,552 --> 00:12:01,262 - that I changed my mind. - You're a great guy. 329 00:12:01,304 --> 00:12:03,014 That's really sweet. Thank you. 330 00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,849 You're really sweet. 331 00:12:11,898 --> 00:12:15,360 ♪ Ya la la la, hello, Oscar ♪ 332 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:16,736 Michael, I'm reading. 333 00:12:16,778 --> 00:12:18,530 - What are you reading? - "The Atlantic." 334 00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,156 Oh, that is my favorite ocean. 335 00:12:20,198 --> 00:12:21,199 I love it. 336 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,242 Why is the Atlantic Ocean 337 00:12:22,283 --> 00:12:24,077 the best ocean? 338 00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:25,954 That is simple. 339 00:12:25,995 --> 00:12:27,706 According to Oprah, 340 00:12:27,747 --> 00:12:30,417 the Pacific Ocean is pretty much just garbage. 341 00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:33,670 The Indian Ocean is full of pirates. 342 00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,547 The Arctic Ocean is too cold. 343 00:12:35,588 --> 00:12:37,173 Thank you very much. 344 00:12:37,215 --> 00:12:40,051 And the Southern Ocean is just the bottom 345 00:12:40,093 --> 00:12:41,094 of all the other oceans. 346 00:12:41,136 --> 00:12:44,055 Atlantic Ocean has all the history. 347 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:50,562 That is where the amoebas crawled from the murky depths 348 00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,689 and became man. 349 00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:55,066 So pretty cool. 350 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:56,443 I'm so happy right now. 351 00:12:56,484 --> 00:12:57,610 No! 352 00:12:57,652 --> 00:12:59,404 I can't keep it a secret any longer. 353 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:00,613 Jim is stepping down to salesman. 354 00:13:00,655 --> 00:13:03,033 I am going to be the sole manager once again. 355 00:13:03,074 --> 00:13:04,909 I should step into sales myself. 356 00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,871 Why, is there an untapped gay market? 357 00:13:07,912 --> 00:13:10,123 Sabre has no caps on commissions. 358 00:13:10,165 --> 00:13:13,251 He can make a lot more money in sales. 359 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:14,919 [exhales] 360 00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,090 Where did you get that information? 361 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,925 Manual. 362 00:13:20,967 --> 00:13:22,177 Manuel who? 363 00:13:22,218 --> 00:13:24,846 Mm-hmm. Well, according to the manual, 364 00:13:24,888 --> 00:13:27,474 there is no cap on commissions. 365 00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,142 I have been hustled. 366 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,063 [quietly] Son of a bitch. 367 00:13:33,104 --> 00:13:35,607 - Pardon me. - Oh, speak of the devil. 368 00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:37,609 We were just talking about you. Have a seat. 369 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:39,778 - Okay. - Jim here is, uh, 370 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,738 thinking about taking himself out of the running 371 00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:42,947 - for being manager. - Yep. 372 00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:47,702 Really? Oh, that is so sweet of you! 373 00:13:47,744 --> 00:13:49,829 But I cannot accept 374 00:13:49,871 --> 00:13:52,040 because I have been thinking about it, 375 00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:54,250 and I think I wanna go back to sales. 376 00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:55,752 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 377 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:57,545 Yeah, you can take the man out of the salesman, 378 00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,506 but you can't take the sales out of salesman. 379 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,633 Well, I think you're both being a little too modest. 380 00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:03,885 No, I really, really think Michael 381 00:14:03,927 --> 00:14:06,346 is better at being manager for so many reasons. 382 00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:07,472 Mm-mm. No. 383 00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,307 I think I would be bad. 384 00:14:09,349 --> 00:14:11,976 I would sleep in my office, 385 00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:14,145 and I would sexually harass people. 386 00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,814 - Why would you do that? - I'm turning myself in 387 00:14:15,855 --> 00:14:17,065 - right now. - You know, Michael, 388 00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:19,484 you have more experience in sales and management, 389 00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,695 so I'm gonna defer to your judgment. 390 00:14:21,736 --> 00:14:23,822 - Thank you. - I think you will become 391 00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:27,117 the salesman, and congratulations... 392 00:14:27,158 --> 00:14:29,411 you're gonna be the new manager of this branch! 393 00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,079 Great! That's great. 394 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:32,831 Congratulations. 395 00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:36,668 [quietly] Have fun signing my commission checks, boss. 396 00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:43,258 Oh, Michael marked his heights. 397 00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,592 He's grown. 398 00:14:44,634 --> 00:14:46,761 - Mm. - [laughs] 399 00:14:50,515 --> 00:14:52,475 Bobcat, this is Dragon. 400 00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:55,061 Listen, he's been promoted to sole manager. 401 00:14:55,103 --> 00:14:56,563 We have got to step this up. 402 00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:59,816 Meet me behind the dumpster in 90 seconds. 403 00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:02,360 89, 88... 404 00:15:02,402 --> 00:15:04,946 You're 20 minutes late. 405 00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:07,615 Um, I was at another dumpster. 406 00:15:07,657 --> 00:15:10,118 Just admit you lost track of time. 407 00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,870 Ryan and I have been meeting up 408 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,997 to work on our diabolical plot against Jim. 409 00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:16,166 Ryan is always late for our meetings. 410 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:19,461 I wish I had a lair. 411 00:15:19,502 --> 00:15:21,296 Did you see "Saw"? 412 00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,882 Of course I seesaw. Mose and I seesaw all the time. 413 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:25,425 No. Uh, the movie. 414 00:15:25,467 --> 00:15:27,010 Did you see the movie "Saw"? 415 00:15:27,052 --> 00:15:29,095 Oh, yeah. Great film. 416 00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:31,056 Almost as fun as going on a seesaw. 417 00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,850 Okay, the reason these movies are so popular 418 00:15:33,892 --> 00:15:36,811 is the element of psychological torment. 419 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:38,980 I like where you're going with this. 420 00:15:39,022 --> 00:15:41,274 - Continue. - Could we lure him 421 00:15:41,316 --> 00:15:43,109 into an old warehouse or something? 422 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:44,819 I have an old barn. It's kinda smelly... 423 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:45,820 - Yes! - But that might be a plus. 424 00:15:45,862 --> 00:15:46,905 Okay, then what? 425 00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:48,865 We do what they did in "Saw." 426 00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:54,204 I mean, we don't kill him, obviously. 427 00:15:54,245 --> 00:15:55,622 - I don't-- - I have a mask... 428 00:15:55,663 --> 00:15:57,082 Okay, that's your idea? 429 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:59,167 Exactly like in the movie? 430 00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:02,045 That is the most idiotic thing I have ever heard in my life. 431 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,755 Well, suggest something else then, don't just-- 432 00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,006 He's supposed to cut his leg off? 433 00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:06,508 - Don't just criticize my idea! - Think! 434 00:16:06,549 --> 00:16:08,968 You think of something then! 435 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,096 You know, I say I'll do these things 436 00:16:11,137 --> 00:16:13,348 like work with Dwight on a diabolical plot 437 00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,517 or watch all the Michael Moore movies, 438 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:18,436 and then, I don't know, I just lose interest and bail. 439 00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,690 I just gotta stick with one of them, you know? 440 00:16:21,731 --> 00:16:22,857 I'm looking forward to this plot 441 00:16:22,899 --> 00:16:25,318 making me a better person. 442 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:26,861 Michael, I'm worried that, uh, 443 00:16:26,903 --> 00:16:28,947 not all your toys are gonna fit on your new desk. 444 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,490 How is that possible? 445 00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:31,741 Well, in your old office, 446 00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,159 there were all those ledges and extra space-- 447 00:16:33,201 --> 00:16:34,786 - No excuses, Erin. Come on! - Okay. 448 00:16:34,828 --> 00:16:36,663 Make it happen. 449 00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:38,456 You know, I actually think that I should get back to work. 450 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,792 Jim asked me to do some stuff, and he's manager. 451 00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:44,796 - Oh. Yeah. Fine, fine. - Okay. 452 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,214 - Leave it here. - All right. 453 00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:48,091 I have to make some sales anyway. 454 00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,969 Who should I call with my magic sales fingers? 455 00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,430 [phone ringing] 456 00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,560 Michael Scott, head of sales. 457 00:16:58,601 --> 00:16:59,894 You gotta do something, man. 458 00:16:59,936 --> 00:17:01,938 You can't just sit there. 459 00:17:06,484 --> 00:17:08,445 The new IT guy. 460 00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:09,946 Nick. 461 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:11,281 - Nick. - I think he's the key. 462 00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,366 He's very trusting. He's looking for friends. 463 00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,618 He's been given an awesome amount of power 464 00:17:15,660 --> 00:17:17,454 and does not know how to wield it. 465 00:17:17,495 --> 00:17:19,330 Like Frodo. 466 00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:21,958 Why don't you just let me handle the Tolkien references, 467 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,127 okay, dumb jock? 468 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:27,589 Well, I think he can be corrupted, like Gollum. 469 00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:31,843 Smeagol was corrupted and became Gollum. 470 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,595 God, when this whole thing is done, 471 00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,221 I'm gonna bring you out to the farm and read you 472 00:17:35,263 --> 00:17:38,683 the entire trilogy and show you what an idiot you are. 473 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,561 Let's go talk to Nick. both: Okay. 474 00:17:41,603 --> 00:17:43,772 I might start a diabolical plot against him 475 00:17:43,813 --> 00:17:46,358 after this one. 476 00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,942 Who's hungry? 477 00:17:47,984 --> 00:17:49,736 - What is that? - It's ants on a log. 478 00:17:49,778 --> 00:17:51,446 Michael would always have me bring them in at 2:30 479 00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,281 and say, "Who's hungry?" 480 00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:56,368 [laughs] Oh. I'm fine. Thank you, though. 481 00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,244 Do you want me to spin you in your chair and make you dizzy? 482 00:17:58,286 --> 00:17:59,621 Why would I want to do that? 483 00:17:59,662 --> 00:18:00,830 It's a thinking technique. 484 00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,499 All the top executives do it. 485 00:18:02,540 --> 00:18:03,667 It keeps the brain moving, 486 00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:05,877 and a spinning brain is a working brain. 487 00:18:05,919 --> 00:18:08,963 For now I'm just gonna go back to work here. 488 00:18:09,005 --> 00:18:10,256 - Oh, sure. - Yeah. Thank you. 489 00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:13,218 Well... 490 00:18:13,259 --> 00:18:15,428 It will be a pleasure doing business with you. 491 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,138 Thanks. Bye-bye. 492 00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,558 [train whistle blows] 493 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:22,394 I just got a new account, 494 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,145 the gentleman's club in Carbondale. 495 00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,439 It is called Curves. 496 00:18:26,481 --> 00:18:28,441 I went by there the other day, 497 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:29,943 saw some of the women walking in. 498 00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:31,736 Not really my cup of tea. 499 00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:33,905 Actually, Kevin, you might like it. 500 00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,365 Nice. 501 00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:38,034 You know, we really don't announce out loud 502 00:18:38,076 --> 00:18:40,036 - our sales that much. - Why not? 503 00:18:40,078 --> 00:18:41,663 It's part of the sales experience. 504 00:18:41,705 --> 00:18:43,331 It's not really 1992 anymore. 505 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,084 Mm, okay. [people snickering] 506 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,587 "You brighten my day with the sound of your voice. 507 00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:51,840 "You bring so much laughter and love. 508 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:53,299 "You are everything to me, 509 00:18:53,341 --> 00:18:55,760 and I was so blessed when God sent you here to me." 510 00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,095 - Jeez Louise. - I know. 511 00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,555 Obsessed with me much? 512 00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:01,474 - Well, everyone got one. - What did yours say? 513 00:19:01,516 --> 00:19:04,644 "Friends are worth sharing a doghouse with." 514 00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:08,148 It's no wonder that Andy gave Kelly such a romantic card. 515 00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:10,025 I can't compete with her. 516 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,235 That girl can sing and dance 517 00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:14,988 and gets all of her clothes at the mall, 518 00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,489 and I feel like such a fool for thinking 519 00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:18,491 that Andy was only going after one girl 520 00:19:18,533 --> 00:19:21,119 'cause Andy Bernard is a playboy, 521 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:23,455 and why shouldn't he be? 522 00:19:23,496 --> 00:19:25,248 He's got it all. 523 00:19:26,791 --> 00:19:31,338 Ho ho. There he is, the IT guy. 524 00:19:31,379 --> 00:19:32,922 I see you discovered the break room. 525 00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:34,507 - Uh, yep. - I imagine one 526 00:19:34,549 --> 00:19:36,259 of the best things about being an IT guy 527 00:19:36,301 --> 00:19:38,345 is you get to know everyone's computer passwords. 528 00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:39,846 You know, I actually don't. 529 00:19:39,888 --> 00:19:41,890 [all laugh] 530 00:19:41,931 --> 00:19:44,017 Listen, I know you have to say that, 531 00:19:44,059 --> 00:19:45,977 but we got a little problem here. 532 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,396 There is a employee named Jim Halpert, 533 00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:50,273 and he's doing some terrible things, okay? 534 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,567 He's molesting people via the Internet, 535 00:19:52,609 --> 00:19:55,236 and we need to stop him. 536 00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:56,821 I think that you should call the cops-- 537 00:19:56,863 --> 00:20:00,075 No, the cops called us. 538 00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:03,703 So I'm gonna need you to give me the password 539 00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:05,246 to Jim Halpert's computer. 540 00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:06,539 I don't know what to tell you, man, I'm sorry. 541 00:20:06,581 --> 00:20:08,291 I just can't give out his password like that. 542 00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:11,920 Nick, we could make things very, 543 00:20:11,961 --> 00:20:13,505 very difficult for you. 544 00:20:15,006 --> 00:20:16,758 Are you-- 545 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,762 - are you threatening me? - Threatening you? 546 00:20:20,804 --> 00:20:22,597 No. 547 00:20:24,808 --> 00:20:26,267 [grunts] 548 00:20:32,357 --> 00:20:34,609 No, no, no. That's not-- 549 00:20:34,651 --> 00:20:35,819 It doesn't have anyone's name on it. 550 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,237 That is not acceptable. 551 00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:38,822 - But it's just treats. - That's not-- 552 00:20:38,863 --> 00:20:41,491 it's not just treats, Oscar. 553 00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,785 Do you know how long it took me to freeze those? 554 00:20:43,827 --> 00:20:45,203 That's because you kept opening the freezer door 555 00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:46,246 to check if they were frozen. 556 00:20:46,287 --> 00:20:47,831 Yeah, but then I left it closed, 557 00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,624 and now they're all gone. 558 00:20:49,666 --> 00:20:50,834 And--oh, are you-- 559 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,711 come on. That is so not cool. 560 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,004 You know what? 561 00:20:54,045 --> 00:20:56,256 Those were my homemade orange juice popsicles. 562 00:20:56,297 --> 00:20:57,716 Well, whatcha gonna do about it? 563 00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,426 You can't fire us anymore. 564 00:20:59,467 --> 00:21:01,011 Ha ha. 565 00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:03,346 I feel terrible. Here. 566 00:21:03,388 --> 00:21:06,474 I don't--that's--no. 567 00:21:06,516 --> 00:21:09,728 Oh, my God. 568 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:13,189 What is that smell? Do you smell that? 569 00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,316 What is that? 570 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,110 Like a sulfur deposit under here? 571 00:21:17,152 --> 00:21:19,112 Michael, stop. 572 00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:21,990 No, I'm serious. We don't have to put up-- 573 00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:23,241 is it the dogs? 574 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,534 - [whispers] Michael. - You know what? 575 00:21:24,576 --> 00:21:26,494 We don't have to deal with this. 576 00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:28,913 I am going to google sulfur maps. 577 00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:31,041 Michael, it's Phyllis. 578 00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:34,377 No, this is geological. 579 00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:37,005 I sent an email out to everyone in this area 580 00:21:37,047 --> 00:21:39,090 that this might be a side effect 581 00:21:39,132 --> 00:21:41,509 to my new allergy medication I'm on. 582 00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:44,262 - Are you kidding me? - No. 583 00:21:46,681 --> 00:21:48,350 And you guys are okay with this? 584 00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:49,559 She sent an email. 585 00:21:49,601 --> 00:21:51,561 I did. 586 00:21:55,065 --> 00:21:56,399 [phone ringing] 587 00:22:08,953 --> 00:22:10,372 It's not 'cause of the smell. 588 00:22:10,413 --> 00:22:12,415 I'm just expecting a nosebleed. 589 00:22:15,085 --> 00:22:16,544 Oh, my God. 590 00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:20,382 Yes, money can buy happiness, but can it buy things? 591 00:22:20,423 --> 00:22:22,384 Things like a private office 592 00:22:22,425 --> 00:22:24,886 or a nose that can't smell? 593 00:22:24,928 --> 00:22:26,554 Answer is no. 594 00:22:30,642 --> 00:22:33,228 Oh... [giggling] You scared me. 595 00:22:33,269 --> 00:22:34,771 I'm sorry. I thought you saw me. 596 00:22:34,813 --> 00:22:36,606 I didn't see you. 597 00:22:36,648 --> 00:22:39,734 And you were there all along. 598 00:22:39,776 --> 00:22:41,736 Well, I warmed it up for you, 599 00:22:41,778 --> 00:22:43,863 so should be good to go. 600 00:22:43,905 --> 00:22:44,989 Cool. Thanks. 601 00:22:45,031 --> 00:22:47,909 Bye, Andy. 602 00:22:51,371 --> 00:22:54,457 - That was weird. - No, it ain't. 603 00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:56,626 We all saw the valentine you gave her. 604 00:22:56,668 --> 00:22:58,420 I don't even know what that card said. 605 00:22:58,461 --> 00:23:00,922 Believe me, if I got that card, 606 00:23:00,964 --> 00:23:04,259 we'd be in the bathroom doing it right now. 607 00:23:04,300 --> 00:23:06,219 Oh. 608 00:23:09,389 --> 00:23:11,182 I don't like Kelly like that. 609 00:23:11,224 --> 00:23:13,768 At all. 610 00:23:13,810 --> 00:23:17,397 - Hey. - Hey. 611 00:23:17,439 --> 00:23:19,024 You know, it's funny, I used to stand in here 612 00:23:19,065 --> 00:23:20,442 and wish I was out there. 613 00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:22,360 And now I'm out there, and I wish I was in here. 614 00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:23,653 Well, the grass is always greener. 615 00:23:23,695 --> 00:23:27,198 Yeah, except there's no grass out there. 616 00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:29,200 It's just a farty dirt patch. 617 00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:30,368 Well, it's what you wanted. 618 00:23:30,410 --> 00:23:32,787 I really need my job back. 619 00:23:32,829 --> 00:23:34,330 We made a terrible mistake here. 620 00:23:34,372 --> 00:23:37,292 For the record, I fought this, all right? 621 00:23:37,334 --> 00:23:40,086 And now I'm not really sure what we do. 622 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,173 We make a poster that says "Happy Opposite Day," 623 00:23:43,214 --> 00:23:44,758 and she sees it on the way out. 624 00:23:44,799 --> 00:23:46,134 That's stupid. 625 00:23:46,176 --> 00:23:48,762 Oh, I wish we had one of those amnesia flashlights 626 00:23:48,803 --> 00:23:50,597 from "Men in Black," and just-- 627 00:23:50,638 --> 00:23:52,599 Hey, what was that movie 628 00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,476 where their boss was within earshot, 629 00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:56,853 and they could have just gone and talked to her? 630 00:23:56,895 --> 00:23:58,521 - "Lethal Weapon"? - That's it. 631 00:23:58,563 --> 00:24:00,273 I think we should do it the "Lethal Weapon" way. 632 00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:02,525 You two are grown-ass men. 633 00:24:02,567 --> 00:24:04,486 What do I have to do, fire you and get two people 634 00:24:04,527 --> 00:24:06,404 in here who don't need so much management? 635 00:24:06,446 --> 00:24:08,573 Jo, I am a man of few words. 636 00:24:08,615 --> 00:24:10,492 I don't mince words. 637 00:24:10,533 --> 00:24:12,786 I try to use as few words as possible 638 00:24:12,827 --> 00:24:17,916 to express an idea or a thought or a concept. 639 00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:20,919 - Along those lines-- - Jo, we made a mistake. 640 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:24,714 I hate to say this, but I hate being a manager. 641 00:24:24,756 --> 00:24:26,591 I only did it because I thought it was the responsible thing 642 00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:28,885 to do, but the truth is, if I can make more money 643 00:24:28,927 --> 00:24:31,221 as a salesman, I'd like to do that, please. 644 00:24:31,262 --> 00:24:34,599 And what I don't understand is that I am a great manager 645 00:24:34,641 --> 00:24:37,602 and a great salesman, so wha--? What I'm say-- 646 00:24:37,644 --> 00:24:38,812 [clears throat] Michael's saying that he's better 647 00:24:38,853 --> 00:24:40,313 at being a manager, and I agree, 648 00:24:40,355 --> 00:24:41,606 because he's a better people person, 649 00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:43,274 - weird--weirdly. - And weirdly, 650 00:24:43,316 --> 00:24:44,734 I'm a good dog person, right, guys? 651 00:24:44,776 --> 00:24:46,903 Come on. See? They love me. 652 00:24:46,945 --> 00:24:49,781 Fine, I don't care which one of you does which job. 653 00:24:49,823 --> 00:24:53,785 Just stop meetin' with me to talk about it. 654 00:24:53,827 --> 00:24:55,078 - All right. - All right. 655 00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,538 - [cell phone rings] - Oh. 656 00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:58,790 I gotta take this. 657 00:24:58,832 --> 00:25:01,501 Yep, uh, finish walking my dogs for me. 658 00:25:01,543 --> 00:25:02,627 And don't ride 'em. 659 00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:05,588 A lot of people try to ride 'em. 660 00:25:09,718 --> 00:25:11,469 Excuse me, everyone. Please check your emails. 661 00:25:11,511 --> 00:25:13,805 I just sent you the following message: 662 00:25:13,847 --> 00:25:16,766 "Coworkers, you may have received a valentine from me. 663 00:25:16,808 --> 00:25:18,143 "Please understand this does not mean 664 00:25:18,184 --> 00:25:19,686 that I like you in any way." 665 00:25:19,728 --> 00:25:22,272 You don't even like us as friends? 666 00:25:22,313 --> 00:25:25,650 Phyllis, you guys are like my closest friends. 667 00:25:25,692 --> 00:25:27,902 I just mean I don't like like you. 668 00:25:27,944 --> 00:25:29,487 - What are we, five? - "Please don't read 669 00:25:29,529 --> 00:25:30,739 "into this card. 670 00:25:30,780 --> 00:25:33,825 Yours in professionalism, Nard Dog." 671 00:25:33,867 --> 00:25:35,910 Um, why did I just receive a mass email from you 672 00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:37,620 that said that you don't like me? 673 00:25:37,662 --> 00:25:40,248 Do you realize how hard that makes me like you, Andy? 674 00:25:40,290 --> 00:25:42,000 It's-- 675 00:25:42,042 --> 00:25:44,627 that wasn't... 676 00:25:44,669 --> 00:25:46,463 I like someone else. 677 00:25:46,504 --> 00:25:48,298 Who? 678 00:25:48,340 --> 00:25:49,924 [snorts] 679 00:25:49,966 --> 00:25:53,428 It's not... 680 00:25:53,470 --> 00:25:55,889 whether or not... 681 00:25:55,930 --> 00:25:58,516 [mumbles] 682 00:25:58,558 --> 00:25:59,726 Who? What? 683 00:25:59,768 --> 00:26:03,521 Yeah, I guess Andy never liked Kelly. 684 00:26:03,563 --> 00:26:05,190 How about that? [laughs] 685 00:26:05,231 --> 00:26:06,816 [inhales] 686 00:26:06,858 --> 00:26:08,985 Oh, it smells good in here. 687 00:26:09,027 --> 00:26:10,528 It sure does, okay. 688 00:26:10,570 --> 00:26:12,614 We have your space heater, 689 00:26:12,655 --> 00:26:14,449 your humidifier, your dehumidifier, 690 00:26:14,491 --> 00:26:17,202 your fan, your foot fan, and your food dehydrator. 691 00:26:17,243 --> 00:26:19,996 Erin, what about my keyboard? 692 00:26:21,539 --> 00:26:23,166 [soft electronic music] 693 00:26:23,208 --> 00:26:25,543 Ah. 694 00:26:25,585 --> 00:26:27,045 So good to be home. 695 00:26:27,087 --> 00:26:29,673 ♪ ♪ 696 00:26:29,714 --> 00:26:31,049 How 'bout a little bossa nova? 697 00:26:31,091 --> 00:26:32,926 Oh. 698 00:26:32,967 --> 00:26:35,887 [bossa nova music] 699 00:26:35,929 --> 00:26:42,894 ♪ ♪ 700 00:26:43,978 --> 00:26:46,189 He looks happy. 701 00:26:46,231 --> 00:26:47,524 Yep. 702 00:26:47,565 --> 00:26:50,276 Well, well, well. Hmm. 703 00:26:50,318 --> 00:26:52,904 Boss for--what was it? 704 00:26:52,946 --> 00:26:56,032 Oh, 4 1/2 hours? 705 00:26:56,074 --> 00:26:58,576 New record, low. 706 00:26:58,618 --> 00:27:00,912 Previous record, Henry Rostin. 707 00:27:00,954 --> 00:27:02,956 Boss for nine years, four months, 708 00:27:02,997 --> 00:27:05,417 and he only left because he had family matters to attend to, 709 00:27:05,458 --> 00:27:07,002 and he--what-- 710 00:27:07,043 --> 00:27:12,924 ♪ ♪ 711 00:27:12,966 --> 00:27:14,509 Michael? 712 00:27:18,138 --> 00:27:19,723 I can't help but think that something we did 713 00:27:19,764 --> 00:27:20,849 made this possible. 714 00:27:20,890 --> 00:27:22,892 Jim dug his own grave, 715 00:27:22,934 --> 00:27:25,687 but maybe we provided the shovel. 716 00:27:25,729 --> 00:27:27,856 Oh, temp, I like that. 717 00:27:27,897 --> 00:27:30,442 I'm gonna engrave that into a piece of wood. 718 00:27:30,483 --> 00:27:31,860 Care to celebrate with a drink? 719 00:27:31,901 --> 00:27:33,361 - [elevator dings] - I would love to. 720 00:27:33,403 --> 00:27:35,655 [chuckling] 721 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:38,950 - Why not? - No, because martini bars 722 00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:40,702 are pretentious! No, thank you. 723 00:27:40,744 --> 00:27:42,328 I'm sorry that I don't want farm boy swill 724 00:27:42,370 --> 00:27:44,456 - like you do, you know? - It is not farm boy swill. 725 00:27:44,497 --> 00:27:46,207 I will show you. It is beet vodka, 726 00:27:46,249 --> 00:27:48,168 - and it is delicious. - I'm not interested 727 00:27:48,209 --> 00:27:50,211 in anything I have to make myself. 728 00:28:14,694 --> 00:28:17,614 As a manager, I felt I couldn't do that. 729 00:28:17,655 --> 00:28:20,408 Um, please don't make it a habit. 730 00:28:20,450 --> 00:28:22,869 I'm afraid I'm going to. 731 00:28:26,039 --> 00:28:28,833 [The Office Band's "The Office (Main Theme)"] 732 00:28:28,875 --> 00:28:36,007 ♪ ♪